One more time to say,

is it sad that I'm mostly obsessed with this show because I want oh so badly to be on it?

Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. Enjoy the ride...
- Solbeam

My sister and I had a chat today about how she's going to make a poster board full of things visual aids that she would like to accomplish in the future; short, medium and long term goals, if you will. It got me thinking that maybe I should make myself a little something-something to keep the positivity flowing and the inspiration sparking. I don't want to be too comfortable. I've got big plans and an entire lifetime ahead of me to execute 'em as I see fit. I'd like to happily fall in love someday. I want to see the world a few times over. I long for a bright future full of music and I hope that my voice will outlast my body. The future no longer scares me because there's no stopping the inevitable. The sooner you except that, the easier your life becomes.

To Mononucleosis,
I am gonna do whatever it takes to get rid of you.
Hope you're ready to rumble.
Sincerely,
Kristine

1 - Think I'm gonna get my tonsils out this winter break. Enough is enough.
2 - Gonna have an understudy for COMPANY; sure am glad that I didn't get the shaft. All I can do is get better so that I can reclaim what is rightfully mine - Marta.
3 - I've chosen my One Act Play for Directing and I am thoroughly excited about it. It's called The Enchanted Mesa by George Macguire and it's a good'un!
4 - It's ironic that when I make the executive decision to no longer do the random hook-up thing because it's become 1. unsatisfactory and, well, 2. no longer fun... I WOULD get mono. In case claiming celibacy isn't enough, let's give the girl something slightly threatening and incredibly contagious. By all means.
5 - I am a total gleek.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

(August 28th, 2009 - 9:06 pm) GOD I WANT BIANCA SO BAD AAAAAH

(August 29th, 2009 - 12:14am) hehehe. dreams really do come true. =D

*that wasn't intended to be a shameless plug for:
(500) Days of Summer,
but it totally should've been.

I really, truly hope that we have an Indian summer ahead of us.
I'm not ready to say good bye to this weather quite yet.
I can handle perpetual winter for months on end,
as long as I've got a few more weeks of this sunny day bliss.

In the meantime, I'm looking fwd to the following:

- trip to the water fall
- annual fall semester lake excursion
- dirty dancing at Marciella's
- mechanical bull ridin'
- and the big 2-1.

that's all for now.

Wowee.

Tonight was my final gig at the Aegean cafe and exactly two weeks from today I resume life as a college student. These past few weeks at home I've accomplished more on my "bucket list" - things I want to accomplish before I kick the bucket - than I had originally anticipated. Also, it has been proven to me, time and again, that things:

1.) end up working themselves out in the strangest of ways and
2.) are bound to happen in your favor if you want it badly enough.

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Jordan and I were having this discussion that although it hasn't been the best summer of our lives, it has definitely been one of our better ones. For me, I'd have to say that it was a "defining" one. I am certainly just as confused now as I am entering my senior year of college as I was when I was entering my freshman year of college, yet I find that I have a clearer perspective of what it is I want and a better idea of the kind of person I am. Which is what life's all about isn't it?

This summer was a huge movie summer for me; with countless trips to the library, trips to the multiplex, trips over the power tripping mid-movie channel surfing. I must admit that the top three films that I've seen were:

1.) The Hangover
2.) [500] Days of Summer
3.) Up

It was also a highly independent/self-sufficient summer; organizing family functions, counting the days 'til my road test, making sure I got my butt behind the wheel as often as possible, getting a job and foregoing an allowance because of said job. I've come to appreciate "the value of a dollar" and I feel like I'm capable of accomplishing things, things that I want out of life.

I have so much to look forward to these upcoming months. There's going to be a lot of firsts, as well as lasts. After a summer like this one, I am so ready to dive into anything and everything that comes my way.

I just hope that "anything" and "everything" that comes my way... is ready for me.

ummmmmmm i can't wait for the following movies to arrive on the big screen.

























(to name a few.)

homemade iced coffee, Desperate Housewives, blackberries, Up (in 3D), three-point turns, Regina Philange, throwing up the "shaka" sign, SPF 50, library cards, renovated elementary school parks, a growing appreciation of reds and whites, post cards, Anastasia Beaverhousen, sand between the toes, fruity fruity smoothies, Moco Loco, Arizona iced tea, white cherries, The Hangover, yard sale posters, 500 Days of Summer movie trailer, guava jam, Along for the Ride, one-way streets, Ralph's, parking lots, How I Met Your Mother, too much tequila, bucket lists...

I worry too much, I never try hard enough & I struggle with who I am by pretending to be who I'm not.

I wanna be able to say that I'm happy, honest-to-God happy.

I wonder always what it's like to wear your heart on your sleeve.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank whoever takes the time to read this silly, silly online journal about this silly, silly girl.

I wish I knew what I was waiting for.

I've got my first gig in less than a week a semi-formal "prom" dinner on wednesday my license to nab before I turn 21 a garage sale to organize and HELL YEAH I'm getting my ass back in a recording studio

Oh and I wish the weather could start acting like summer so I can get all my outdoorsy bucket list type things like six flags and water sports outta the wayyyyyyy as well as perpetually working on my tan without the use of artificial means and boxes ew

- dye hair purple
- ride all the roller coasters at Six Flags [ON 7/27!!]
- go to a drive in
- own a mini
- perform on Broadway
- para sail
- live in 25 of the 50 states (for at least 2 weeks)
- voice a Disney character
- write a (decent) song
- write a Pachabel song
- learn how to play ukulele
- be fluent in a language other than English
- finally get a dog
- meet Jason Mraz
- my alphabet kissing quest, of course
[so far: JR, AH, PS, SF, AE, SH, DE, JR, JC, RD, BB, AB, MA, AF, KJ, EW, RM, CC, NG]
- pixie cut
- ride a motorcycle
- get another tattoo/piercing
- scuba dive
- surf
- ride in a helicopter
- acquire a superpower
- learn how to play the drums
- witness a miracle
- properly execute a kick up
- ride a mechanical bull
- wield a bow and arrow (since I missed out on archery in hs)
- work on a cruise line
- sky dive
- retire as a lounge singer in a smoky bar
- cliff dive
- crowd surf
- England
- Greece
- Spain

Well, this past weekend was a breeze. I had fun. I did the "typical" college thing. And now, I don't feel the need to obsess about lack of human contact or loneliness or stuff like that [because lord knows, I got more than enough of human contact this past weekend.] It's important to remember to keep moving forward. I could've done or said a lot of things that would have been detrimental to how far I've come this past year, and in a way, being impulsive saved me. I legitimately like where I'm at. I don't love it, but I don't hate it. I think I'm gonna take another crack at the whole "celibacy" thing, because although the lovin' was tremendous, I remember now that while it can be fun and games... it's also kind of empty if there isn't someone that you yearn for. I'm currently without longing, but hey, I'm not complaining. All I know is that the next time around, when it happens, it's gonna be because it's something real.

- My acting juries went really, really well!
- I'm finally done with that freaking film!
- Gonna partake in my first "capture the flag" game at Fredonia this Friday!
- So I sang at Open Mic Night and impressed ppl who didn't even know that I sing. [haha, love when that happens.]
- Sam Kenney complimented me on my floor work in Modern. holy crap. I can die now.

Good day, overall.

as long as I can hear the squeals of excitement from children on swing sets and the relaxing strum of a guitar, as long as I can see a clear blue sky on a calm sunny day, as long as I can feel the gentle breeze...

I can safely say that ev'rytin gon be aiyre.

You know when you're sitting on the passengers side, with the windows rolled all the way down, and you stick out your arms just to feel the wind slip past your fingers? Lately, that's how I feel about my time here; rushing right along, completely out of my grasp. I'm reaching the end of my third year in this place and I'm still just as confused as I was when I first came here... maybe even more confused. I guess the problem that I'm facing is that I don't know where I fit in, in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes, I worry a bit too much that I've become some sort of ghost or shell of the person I was; and the traits that I once had or values I stood for no longer hold up the way they used to. I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to stand alone and not attaching myself, unhealthily, for this long (especially in comparison to last year, yikes). The only problem with that is that I feel like I'm "out of place" most of the time. And it's not anyone else's fault but my own. I choose to be an outsider and I choose to be involved from a safe distance, and I hate it. I wanted nothing more than to prove that I could be "independent" and "stand alone", but I fear that I've missed out on so much. I worry that I've been forgotten. I know what it's like to be alone, and I can tell the difference between that and loneliness. I suffer from the latter. I don't know why. I just do. And no matter what the distraction, it creeps up on me like a familiar lover while I'm under the covers. He's become my companion, and he's taken the place of whatever "unhealthy" relationship I would've jumped into if I had been reckless or stupid, or, I don't know, I guess the 20-year-old I should've been acting like anyway. I got exactly what I was trying to avoid in the long run; instead of being blissfully enraptured in making new, happy memories, I've forced myself to "survive" on memories I made long ago. Don't get me wrong; I've had a hell of a junior year, if I do say so myself. I've just made the fatal mistake of comparing then to now, and "missing out" completely in the process. I know that I've changed and grown and that I'm certainly not the same person I was, even from just a year past. I also know that I've needed to take some time to establish myself as a separate entity from not just a person, but from a group. (Big whoop, I'm a big girl now.) But now that enough time has most certainly passed, I just don't know what exactly I've established, what I have to offer, or even what "legacy" I'm gonna leave behind.

Man, I'm so bummed that Orchesis is over. It was a pretty sweet ride. It's so weird that it's over, I feel like the process went insanely fast. As chaotic and unprepared I felt (at times), it's so amazing how performing can still give me that rush of excitement. With the amount of time that we were given; the fact that auditions were done later in the game than anticipated, that we only had like ten rehearsals for Ashley's piece, and only one review... I think that I can honestly say that we put on a kick ass show. I'm so proud that we sold out 2 out of 3 shows. God, student run companies don't get enough credit for the amount of opportunities that they present to people who desperately want it, or even need it. I couldn't imagine what I'd do with myself if Urinetown was all that I had to look forward to for the entire semester. Yeesh, too much free time. It's so strange to think that this is my 6th semester at this place, and how far we've come. I'm so proud of Kaity for not only choreographing, but doing something "unexpected". [Not to mention performing it when the going got tough]. And holy cow, I can't even explain how incredibly grateful I am to Ashley for putting me in her piece and allowing me to dust off my beloved tap shoes. And as annoying as the freshmen/newbie/babies could be, I loved their energy.

All I know is that I need to find another fix of something soon.

it is 2 A.M. on a lovely Sunday Morning.
Sour cream and onion is my favorite of the potato chip.
Do you believe in Harvey Dent.
(I do).
Man, I suck at beer pong.

I'm gonna be a senior next year.
I'm gonna be a senior next semester.
When did that become okay?



Sun, Apr 19, 10:21 A.M.
[AHAHAHAHA, I don't remember writing this at all.]

This is the end
I want to feel something
This is the time
Leave your mark
I want to feel something
Don't back down
Leave your mark
Make it hurt
Don't back down
My blood, your blood
Make it hurt
This is the place
My blood, your blood
This is the time
This is the place
This is the end.




I am lonely/restless/needy/bored
and damn tired of waiting.

Excited about the following days to come:

- Tonight. The first "movie night" of the semester. (Thank you, Free time.)
- Monday night, I get to act like the 20 year old that I am. (Thank you, Krista.)
- Wednesday, Finish up shooting for a shitty-ass-flick. (Thank you, Capstone.)
- Friday night, I'll be laughing through tears. (Thank you, seniors.)
- Next Friday, I'm gonna tap dance my shoes off in Orchesis. (Thank you, Ashley.)
- The following Friday, much rapier and dagger, dancing, and Jonas Barranca doing Shakespeare-speak. (Thank you, Tom Loughlin.)

And that's just a sampling of the days to come.
Let's get it going.